This is a guest post from a great friend of mine and the most talented writer I know, Kyle Rutty. You can get his take on relationships, Facebook stalking and the rest of his world views at his comedy blog FindgingWood.com.

The movie Hangover was similar to my college experience: hazy, hung over, blurred, and a complete disregard for responsibility.  Now my out of college experience is a little different.  If I had to compare it to a recent movie, I would say it is similar to the movie 2012; a catastrophe that brings about absolute chaos in my life.

I say this because college was safe. Not physically safe, shots of tequila at 4am isn’t real safe, but mentally safe, because I did very little to expand my horizon as a person. If you asked me “Who I Am” in college my response would pay a lot of homage to my personality and little to do with goals, passions, and what I want out of my life.  Of course, ask me “Who I Am” on a Saturday night in college and I would probably given you a drunkenly profound response as I shove a burrito in my mouth and spout out Anchorman quotes. AKA: I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.

However, from the moment I grabbed that diploma and left the bubble I call college, I was forced to honestly face myself; the one person I was successfully able to avoid with booze, girls, midterms, and a “what are you doing tonight” text every two hours.  And with all the distractions removed from my life, what I found wasn’t pleasant. Now the easiest thing I could have done was just kept my safe job out of college, find more distractions, and live an uneventful and uninspired life.  Deep down I would have known I settled, I would have known that I could have been more, but as long as I had a bubble of distractions, I would have been just fine.

But I chose a different route, and in doing so, was forced confront those deep hidden insecurities that lay dormant within me for years and years. But when the layers began to fall away, so did the insecurities, and so did the desire to just “fit in,” or to meet everyone else’s expectations of who I should be.

And this led me to my passion– my answer to what I wanted most out of life.  Surprising enough, it wasn’t a really hot girlfriend or a million dollars; it was to reach people through writing. Suddenly I had a purpose, it all seemed so clear. In a crazy turn of events, I left my safe job in one of the economically worst situations we have seen in decades. But it was what I needed to do. It was what I had to do. I will never say it’s easy to do what your passionate about, because passion is synonymous with you — you meaning everything that encompasses yourself, not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff as well.

Am I doing what I want to do now? Yes!  Am I successful from a business standpoint? Not yet, but I don’t care, and that’s all that matters.  If you told my college self that he would want to be an aspiring writer at the age of 23, he would have laughed at you and then asked you if you wanted to take a shot with him.  But that’s the best part about my out of college experience. The fact that I was able to remove the fake insecure shell I carried for years and came to discover the real me, the one that is ultimately being true to himself and chasing what he wants most out of life.

This post is part of the Blog Tour for Richard Dedor’s new book, Anything is Possible. Want to learn more about my friend Richard? Visit his blog, Finding Focus & follow him on Twitter to keep in touch!   Don’t forget to scroll to the bottom to check out our free giveaway opportunity.

It is often said that simple actions have a big impact. I believe it is true in all areas of life. For instance, instead of watching five hours to television during the week, workout for one of those hours and watch television at the same time. If you focus your energy on the right areas of your life, anything is possible.

In order for you to achieve your dreams, you have to take a step. You have to stumble. You have to fall. And you have to fail. But failures are opportunities for you to learn about yourself and help you get just a little bit closer to your dream.

Someday I want to be self-employed. I know what I want my company to look like in ten years. I have a plan. It is not set in stone but it’s a rudimentary playbook for me.

It wasn’t always that way for me. The problem was that after college I wasn’t focused on anything. I was simply collecting a paycheck and enjoying my newfound freedom. That changed when I was asked what I was doing to achieve my dreams. From that day in the fall of 2006 until now, I’ve spent nearly every day working towards my dream. Once I knew what it was I simply got started.

I have taken it one day at a time and here I am; I have my own company and I have a book out. There are still a lot of steps to be taken, but one action at a time.

So, what actions do I suggest for you to focus your life?

First, you must organize and figure out what you want out of life. Sometimes mind mapping can help or talking with your closest friends and allies to see where they see you. The key is finding your passion and living it.

Second, you need to continue to learn. The more you know and the more people you meet, the better your life is going to be.

Finally, you must have compassion. If you want to reach for the stars, you’re going to need some people on your team. Be compassionate to your team and welcome in new people. But also, be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself time to relax.

There is no greater joy in life than achieving something you set out to do. It all begins with a single step. Get going!

For an opportunity to win a copy of Richard’s book Anything is Possible retweet this post AND comment on this blog by telling us what is the most important action you can take right now!  The two best commenters will win a free copy of the new book…for real!

The world is rapidly becoming more social, all the while these socialites are hanging out behind a computer…counter intuitive I know! Twitter has shown the word what a public ecosystem can do for spreading messages and building communities. Facebook recently embraced a more public community when Marky Mark Zuckerberg announced that the default privacy settings will now be public. Even the search giants, Google, understand that human powered social data will mean the world to them (literally). More data more money yes we know, but from a more positive standpoint this shift towards a democratization of publicity allows astute and hardworking people to build a name from the ground up. Basically, the world is becoming more open and there is nothing you can do about other than embracing the culture or becoming irrelevant.

Right now I am reading the most relevant book for this topic and times “Trust Agents” (relevant for anyone who lives a digital life right now or wants to). Chris and Julien are able to run through the ever changing landscape of the extremely open and public digital space while expressing the importance of authenticity and engagement. If you engage people in your community and are authentic in your actions you have control over your online identity. If success is having control over your own destiny then a lot more people have the opportunity to be successful in this day and age.

So after enough “yes, yes I agree” statements and a couple “ah-ha” moments while reading Trust Agents I decided to check in on the blogosphere to see what the trust agents in my circle are saying. I stumbled across one of my favorites, the genius Matt C of “Life Without Pants” (I named my blog before I knew of him I swear!). We chatted a bit through his comment section discussing the topic bloggers identity and how to position one’s self. What struck me in particular was the simplicity of the message Matt expressed:

Be Yourself!

You have heard this time in time again I know. However, that message will never be more relevant than in the world we live in now! The world is open, life is public and people are social. You will be Googled, Facebooked, and put through the whole gamut of web 2.0 adopted verbs we are now accustom to. People will know you and if they don’t, they will at the very least know how to find you.
So just like your mother told you “just be yourself” and you will make friends. If you are looking to build a presence for yourself online…be yourself and be the best person you can be and watch a community form. Be the compelling and unique individual you are and package your offering in a way that will gain the interest of people on the web.

Public is the new default…no need to put up a front… just be yourself…say what you feel…and make new friends that believe in your message.

Let me know…

Do you think everyone should just be themselves online? Or is it a controlled process of showing the world who you want to be known as? Maybe a little of both…

Let us know your thoughts on the dynamics of the new public world.

I have learned alot in the past month!  It seems like my January 2010 = the sum of my UCSB college years from an educational standpoint (it’s not you UCSB, it’s me).  I think I have already made my point, but just to reiterate…I am committed to learning this year.

I have committed 2010 to being my breakthrough year.  I have been pursuing new and worthwhile opportunities, establishing myself in my industry and trying to soak as much as I can in between.

The good thing is that the “stuff in between” is not slipping through the cracks as I have been “flippin” new videos of myself letting anyone who cares know “What I Learned Today“. Most of the videos are indirectly related to my life as an entrepreneur in the social media space.  However, I am hoping that there are takeaways for anyone trying to learn something new, helpful and insightful every day.  Here are a few videos on what I have learned last month:

Go to Bed Before 2:30am (Jan 5th)

How to Get Featured on the Tim Ferriss Blog (Jan 6th)

Creativity is Paramount! (Jan 12th)

Leaders are Direct (Jan 15th)

FindingWood.com Has Launched! (Jan 25th)

Partnerships: Leave Everything on the Table (Jan 27th)

For more of “What I Learned Today”, check out my Posterous blog Brenton’s QuikFix

In the spirit of the launch of the free  Success E-book by 30 of the worlds most awesome bloggers!  Here is my take on the all encompassing yet hard to define term “success”.

The Marriam Webster Dictionary defines success as the following:

favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence

Well Marriam and Webster whoever you are…I beg to differ…

Success is commonly defined as a destination, an outcome, basically a single point.  That destination is typically determined by the money, status and/or power that the successful person has obtained.  There are some obvious problems with this positioning of the concept of success:

1st: If success is a single point in the road, what was before it and what follows after it?  Every successful person (by societal standards) knows that success was not achieved at one single point in their journey.  It was achieved by failing, stumbling and learning a 1,000 times before you “succeed”. Telling successful people they have “made it” and now “succeeded” is a completely backhand bitch slap to the face of any person who has spent hours grinding, months flat broke and have had their decisions questioned by many of their loved ones.  Those truly successful people have always known they were successful regardless of their external life situation.  They also know that passion does not relinquish once you “make it”.

2nd: Who chose these metrics?  Money, status and power not only focus on the outward and some what superficial nature of success but it excludes millions of successful people that work under a different set of metrics.  Simply reflect on the accomplishments of Mahatma Gandhi.  An individual with little money, status or power led one of the largest political and spiritual movements the world has ever witnessed.  Marriam Webster would fail to declare Gandhi as a “successful” individual.  Live by your own metrics of success not anyone elses!

Without future addo here is how I define success:

-Success is loving who you are and being proud of what you contribute to the world. Achieve it by doing what you love, surrounding yourself with people you love and not settling for ordinary.

Download the free Ebook and checkout what to success is to 29 other successful bloggers.  Don’t forget to checkout the brain child of this collaborative project, Jonny at The Life Thing.

Most likely this post will come off as a shameless plug for my good friends’ websites, startups and projects…so be it…they deserve it!

After spending a little time with one of my best friends and checking out his ridiculously hilarious, well written and random website Finding Wood (launches today might I add) something struck me as it sometimes does.  I thought to myself: my friends group of friends are like no other group!  I am proud to say that many of us bypassed the young professional martini sipping lifestyle for the young entrepreneur 12am tea drinking  culture.  I am excited to say that amongst my friends, unordinary has become ordinary.

I have grown through my 20’s along side the best friends a person my age could wish for.  Yes we show each other nothing but support and love  but far beyond that we never allow each other to settle.  Each of us has sacrificed comfort and conventional success for our dreams (or at the very least what makes us happy).  I am proud to have the friends I do and owe much of my current and future achievements to them.

Daniel: My best friend and constant supporter.  This guy has backed me since the  2nd grade.  I’ve never met a person more capable when he puts his finger on what he wants.  I’ll always look up to Gip.

Kyle Rutty: His creativity scares me…literally.  Someday you will see him on SNL, but for now you can find him at FindingWood.com.  He has lived the classic story of  becoming a special government agent only become a coffee shop literary samurai (but I’m sure you have heard that before).

Wafi: Waf is a friend that will never leave your side, even if you want him to.  His knack for business and his ability to get things done impresses the hell out of me.  He always seems to be doing something big…next month is is launching MyCollegeSpot.com.

D Man: Derek taught all my friends that education must be pursued far beyond school.  Even better, real life education comes from investing in yourself and your business.  He is responsible for teaching me about system based businesses.

Killa Cam: Cameron never settles.  He lives life the way it is ought to be lived…whatever way he wants to.  He has built CampusBooze.com up to be the main resource for thousands of college students trying to get drunk for cheap.

Austin- Every group of friends needs their Tim Ferriss.  You know the guy that travels the world while building his startups?  Ya that guy.  He teaches the world how to do it at FullFoundation.com.

Sam- Sam will change the face of preventative health care.  He better, I’ve listened to him talk about it for too long for him not to.

Cath- I have never met a college student with so much drive and vision.  When I was her age I couldn’t see past Thursday nights in Downtown Santa Barbara.  I am so proud to be her boyfriend!

Plus all my other great friends who are foolish like me….JC$, Javi @ StuVu.com, Max….the list goes on.

If I could recommend on thing for young folks right out off college, entrepreneurs or anyone trying to get the most out of life, it would be to surround yourself with abnormal people…they will help you live an abnormal life!

This post was inspired by my Deadhead mother who has helped shaped my life in the most interesting of ways. I love you so much mom

For those readers that don’t know the Grateful Dead, you will sure know some cultural staples they have helped cultivate, like the Tie-dyed shirts, music file sharing, hippies, and the classic jam session. Simply stated, they are easily one of the most influential bands of all time while taking a different approach from the rest. This post represents a revelation I had which revealed that the Grateful Dead go far beyond their iconic rock and roll status. They created music that not only represented their time but created a movement that was far ahead of its time:

Growing up in a house littered with stickers of dancing bears and skulls, it’s an understatement to say that I was a bit embarrassed of my Deadhead roots. Having a Dead Head mom, I was immersed in a world of music, singing, stack and stacks of cassette tape and peculiar tape traders (don’t ask). The longer I live more I realize that the Dead are embedded within by DNA…and no I am not saying this because I just acquired a bongo drum.

After a weekend coffee shop stop with my mom, I noticed the uncanny parallels between her lifelong journey of Dead Headness and my Social Media passions and work. She constantly shares music with other Deadheads while I constantly share interesting content through the web. She meets interesting people from groups across the country to talk about the Grateful Dead while I meet interesting people on Twitter in hopes of sparking up meaningful relationships. She gets into the zone by turning their music up full blast and humming along while I get in the zone by turning on some Calm Meditation on Pandora and blogging up a storm. I guess we’re not so different after all.

The more I spoke with my mom the more I understood the fundamental implications the Dead have on our Social Media Culture. I am a believer…they are the pioneers of Social Media…

2010 is here and with a new year comes new expectations, especially when it comes to social media.  Anyone who has been immersed in social media for the past few years have witnessed social media’s transformation from a richer form of harmless online chatter to one of the most powerful marketing channels today!  Marketers are seeing the masses spend less time on traditional media and more time playing Farmville on Facebook (I’m referring to the black sheep on your Newsfeed  phenomenon).  So if 2009 was there year where social media social media got some double takes from the the usual critics than 2010 is the year social media reels in that critic and seals the deal (whatever that means to you).

Here are some of the emerging trends in 2010 (according to the top influencers in the space…and myself )

Top Trends For Individuals

• Mobile is everything and everything will be mobile.
• Social media will be integrated more and more within more traditional media outlets –> video game systems, TV??, etc.
• There will be more exclusive communities popping up separating the authentic from the fakers.
• High adoption of Augmented Reality services.
• You will be more exposed than ever before.

Top Trends for Businesses

• The most apprehensive and most traditional companies will start dipping their toes in the water (cause everyone else will have already dove in).
• Each business will begin to set metrics for measuring ROI instead of measuring obscure levels of engagement.
• Companies will begin enforce social  media policies (like the NBA).
• Small business will begin to emerge in the space (via apps like FourSquare).
• Media agencies will begin to expand their offering or partner-up with others who got the skill set they need.

New Technology to Expect

• More location based services.
• More exclusive social networks.
• More focus on branded mobile apps.
• Facebook currency?
• New micro-blogging interfaces. 
  

Don’t just take my word for it…check out what the experts have to say!

What Will You Do Before John Cusack Gets Another Leading Role?

The Mayans have done one of two things with their calendar.  Either, they have predicted the end of the world, in which we have only few years to live in a state of constant anxiety or with absolutely no reservation…ORRRrrrr they were too lazy to count beyond 2012, which means we will live beyond 2012 and wished we lived the past two year with no reservation instead of being anxiety ridden.

Just for the sake of positive pressure, why don’t we all assume that the world is going to end in 2012.  What would you do in 2010 that would make you’re entire life meaningful?  The world is changing rapidly, the people that are going to facilitate that change are the people that are going to be able to picture what they want, plan out how to get it and make meaning  behind their entire course of action.

You may get the sense that I intend on making the most of my upcoming years!  And it all begins with 2010.  We need to make this the year that we go beyond New Years Resolutions and achieve what we are meant to achieve.

With all that being said it takes a little more than putting your mind to it.  It takes understanding, planning and action to accomplish great things in 2010.

Understanding- Start With Resolutions

We have all fell victim to poor New Years Resolution planning before…there is no need to be ashamed.  Typically what happens is you jot down a few things you would like to do in the new year.  The resolutions are normally 180 behavioral shifts from stuff you did the year before.  That paper you jotted down your resolutions on is supposed to keep you accountable throughout the new year…full proof right?

Try this…

• Jot down everything you want to accomplish in the new year.
• Explain to yourself why you want to accomplish each item.
• Move you resolutions onto a goal list and see if each resolution fits within your master plan.

Planning- Set Goals

Goal setting is where your real planning takes form.  These are the items that you are a 100% accountable for.  These goals should be near and dear to you and act as a constant reminder of what needs to be accomplished.

Here are the steps you can take to make sure you don’t only set goals, but you accomplish your goals:

• Take your resolutions and begin to separate them based on category.  Example) write for Mashable goes in the Personal Branding/ Social Media category –> Finish my first course of French goes in the Personal category.
• Start building goals around resolutions you have set in each category.
• Make sure each goal is measurable.
• Give a timeline for the accomplishment of that goal.
• Access all your goals and begin to reduce your list.  Begin to take away the extraneous and time consuming goals that won’t fulfill your overall mission.  Note that reducing your scope of goals can be even more important that building you goal list out.  If your list is too big, you may be overwhelmed and discouraged by your lack of progress because you spread yourself too thin.

Last but not least…

Action-Track Your Milestones

I learned that goal lists often get lost in the shuffle (just like resolutions).  Therefore, I made an effort to break down my yearly goals into monthly action plans.  Monthly action plans is much easier to manage than a list full of goals.  I have seen the best results when I:

• Take goals from each category which need to be addressed right away.
• Break them down into quantifiable goals that can be met over the course of a month.  Example) If your goal is to have 20 guest posts published in 2010, your action plan for January should be to write 2 guest posts for x and y blogs.
• Create milestones for each week.  Over the course of 7 days, what will need to be finished in order to finish up your monthly goals?
• Take a Post It and write out what you need to accomplish for that day.  Make sure to keep it short and sweet (maximum 3 medium sized tasks).  This will make sure you never loose site of the task at hand.

What I will be doing…

In case you were curious…here are a few things I am focusing on in the upcoming year.

• Less time in front of the computer and more time reading and being physically active.
• Exploring the outdoors.
• Building up myself as a go to resource in the social media and young entrepreneur niches.
• Become even more active in meeting new and interesting people.
• Start a highly successful business (more on this to come).
• Create multiple streams of income.
• Begin to put money away in reserve.
• Begin to learn French.
• Hang out more with family.
• Hang out more with friends.
• Love my girlfriend more and more each day.
• Live everyday with gratitude.

For me, 2009 was the fastest year of my life.  I hope I was able to absorb everything I took in.

For everyone, I hope 2009 has been amazing and even more importantly, I hope you accomplish all that you truly want to accomplish before the world ends

Hands In! Maybe?

If you are an entrepreneurs, it’s very likely some of your friends are entrepreneurs.  Which is fantastic right?  That means you can come together for ideas, advice and other forms of insightful collaboration.  Of course, there will be many opportunities for you to pursue ventures with your friends.  Pretty exciting stuff, I know.

However, one must consider the possible pitfalls of partnering with friends on ventures (impressive alliteration eh).  Many times friendships get tested and business decisions get clouded.

With a talented group of friends and more and more partnership opportunities coming my way, I have to consider the good, the bad and the ugly before I jump into a new venture.  And you should consider it as well.

The Good

The single most important thing is that expectations are set.  There must be one vision and one team moving in unison.  If they fall off track a bit, they have the wherewithal to hop back on and get moving in the right direction.  Since birds of a feather flock together, your friends most likely have some of the same skills, talents and interested.  That shouldn’t mean that roles and positions aren’t set.  Egos may be tampered with when one friend is named the CEO over another but a group must define roles in order to have expectations met and the organization operate effectively.  Setting expectations and defining roles based on each individual’s strengths and desires is the only way a business friendship combo can work.

When all is accounted for and everyone is on the same page, you can only imagine the benefits.  You are working side by side with people you care about on a project you care about.  There is nothing better in this world then spending quality time with good friends.  If you are able to start up a successful business with your friends, you live the virtues of spending quality time with them while changing the world and making money.  Doesn’t get much better then that.

The Bad

Business decisions sometimes takes emotionless fortitude to move the right direction.  On the other hand, for friendship’s to flourish, one must have the capacity to empathize with their friends on a deep emotional level.  If you cannot find a balance between the two temperaments, be prepared for a short and bumpy ride.  To find this balance the team must be committed to being as open as possible.  Disclose all, from you finances to your feelings.  If you stumble across a partner that is not willing to be open, pick up your bags and roll out.

Say you do get to the point where each team member can strike a balance between business and friendship and prove to be open with each other.  You’ve made it passed step one.  However, in step two, money is something that will need to be accounted for.  Many entrepreneurs have the idealist notion is that you create something great and the money will fall into place (I still work under the notion…yes I am a romantic).  But at some point some type of reality sets in, either your costs are piling up or money is flowing in (hopefully the later).  If your friends and business partners does not have a clear picture of their capital contribution things are liable to get bad.  Never, never let friendships break up over money.  Be smart and bring in a trusted third party part time CFO if you need to, the money is worth the money.  If you are in this position, go talk to my friend and financial expert Trishan. He is a honest and knowledgeable guy that will set up your company’s finances for you.

The Ugly

My first venture Blacktop Hoops is the quintessential example of friendships and ventures turned ugly.  I ended up collaborating with a friend I only knew for a short period of time.  We had our differences but since we believed we needed each other we stuck through it.  He later brought his friend on to be our developer.  Communication was terrible and there was far too much tippy toeing around people’s feelings.  End result, is that the partnership is now dissolved.  Learn the whole ugly story here.

Conclusion

Make sure you know what you are getting your self into before you jump into it.  Set expectations, roles and most importantly make sure your group compliments each other.  No good friendship is worth ruining over business and no good business worth ruining because of a friend. 

Have you worked with friends before?  What have you learned from the experience?